The end of an era

So i look at those photo's on the right and two things happen. Firstly, I look at them and say to myself "I'm an aerobics instructor, I should be in far better shape than that". Secondly I look at the those photo's and say to myself - I could definitely look worse. I'm not too bad. See my confliction?

The funny thing is, i'm finally starting to feel comfortable with who I am, with my body shape and all that is me. But i've just started this new job where its my job to be a role model to the people in my class and I just dont think that I am. I know that I could be in better shape with some hard work and several tough sacrifices. So I think that for the sake of my job, I should do that. Isn't it funny that at the one time in my life where I feel comfortable enough to say this is me, it becomes blindingly apparent that for the first time ever, I really can't be me. Its not just about my wobbly bits either. I would be a far better instructor if I was fitter. I'm fit, don't get me wrong but I could be fitter. So fitter I will be. I'm really excited about my challenges i've built for myself.

I think the most important thing to note about this post is the fact that I said i'm finally comfortable as me. I don't think i've ever said that to anyone about my body. I dont think that statement means that I like my body, but that I've accepted it for all its flaws and i've come to terms with what i've got. I know the purpose of this blog is to track my journey through changing my body - but this time its going to be about so much more than just weight loss. its going to be about my journey to becoming a better health professional and an inspiration to my clients and participants. Its about being an inspiration to myself. I've done this kind of thing several times before and i've always failed miserably because my head has been in the wrong plac. I was young and the sacrifces were just too great. This is now about training my body to respond the way I want it to, when I say go. Its about being the fittest instructor my gym hires and its about filling classes to the max because a) i'm an inspiration to look at b) i'm motivating verbally c) i'm the fittest there and can keep going and going. See, this time its not just about weight loss - its about me, my career and my inner self. I've gone through loads of personal growth in the last twelve months and I feel this is the last little peice of my cake.

I want to have my cake and I want to eat it too. Soon I will. Watch this space.